a dot on a very long line

my brother started Donde esta la biblioteca? several months back; a blog with which we wanted to (and maybe still will) do a collaborative study of just about everything with a focus on christian theology. we were excited about it (and maybe still are) but i'm pretty bad at being consistent with a journal and it sorta fizzled. i'm hoping that won't happen this time, although i have no reason to be hopeful on that front since i've never managed to keep a journal going longer than two months in my 25 years of life.

i would love to journal regularly but i'm fairly weary of the "blog." i don't mind that it's somewhat voyeuristic because i have no intention of posting overtly private information, but the motivation to blog is what concerns me. there are a myriad of reasons why a blog author would choose to journal publicly, some of which are less than appealing to me so i hesitate to embrace the format as a personal instrument in case my motivations are subliminally errant. i've enjoyed reading several stellar blogs from bright people over the last few years so i know it can be done well, but first i have to justify to myself why i'm doing it. this justification of basic issues may give the impression i'm a cave man who just discovered how to use a fork, but be assured i am not so far behind the times...my thought processes can just be obsessive.

first of all, i spend a lot of time in front of the computer. this by itself does not provide justifiable cause to publicly publish a journal as i could just as easily keep a private archive of thoughts in microsoft word, but it at least makes a case to abandon manually writing a journal which i have tried and failed at several times. my handwriting sucks, pen is too messy and impossible to edit, and pencil marks smudge and fade over time. sadly, many pages of the notebook in my high school "calc bible" are nearly unreadable after seven years. usability, editibility, and flexibility--the pros of digital journaling need go no further for me.

now the public/private issue is one that gives me most pause. do i want strangers to have the ability to read personal information about me if i am wont to post such things? not particularly, but as i said i don't intend to post such things. everybody and their mom started a blog a few years ago and it came off as a huge cry for attention to me. i don't necessarily want attention but i do appreciate serious discussions when i read, hear, or partake in them. several blogs i read have provided that and been a great resource to me. i have no misconceptions that my blog will be a resource to anyone else, but it would be a pleasant side-effect if perhaps my considerations of life turn out to be mentally stimulating to somebody who could use the stimulation as much as i. if i believe i have something worth sharing--be it money, wisdom, food, or beefy biceps--then why should i keep it to myself? thus, a public journal full of non-private information seems like a great idea.

so that's a summary of how i convinced myself the blog is a good idea, but why am i journaling in the first place? basically, i need the mental exercise. i need the organization of my thoughts that good writing requires. i'm not a writer but i wouldn't mind being one. i only took two english classes in college and one was required. the other was taught by an awesome professor and robert frost scholar who helped guide me through the only blissful experiences i've ever had with the academic side of literature. the writing process helps me get the upper hand in my ongoing battle with life that can be mentally paralyzing. i would be thrilled to overcome the constant mental gridlock with some intense and regular mental (and hopefully physical) activity. college didn't quite help with that because my attitude and several tragic life events got in the way, plus i educated myself into a gaping financial and philosophical hole. i'm hoping some reorganization will help me emerge from my allegorical cave. though i look at life as akin to a singularity in relation to the eternal nature of existence, i'd rather this dot not be filed under "bum" in god's version of the dewey decimal system.

i don't really have any guidelines, but i hope to comment on current events, bible studies, conservative ideals, political issues, poetry, financial markets, technical analysis of stocks, beaches, science, music, depression, philosophy, dysfunctional family traits, food, coffee, wine, pipes & tobacco, scotch, razors, hand sanitizer, movies, organic light emitting diodes, money, friends, books, college, taxes, and a few other things. i'll see how it goes.